What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love, happiness, status, security -- we all chase these illusions as we live our lives in circles of sunny satisfaction and shady displeasure.These vague concepts remain poorly defined to us, yet we feel obligated to chase these murky ideals comprised of nothing more than millions of conceptions (and misconceptions) from our individual experience. Our lives do change and can even fail as we feel we have strayed from our course of implementing these attachments. But do we ever truly expect to steer our lives on a straight course with an even keel if our dreams are largely based on illusions?



All definitions of important acquisitions leave us floundering in metaphor and generalization. Take love for example. Love is star-crossed, passionate, blind, and bold. Love is a wild rose, a burning flame, and an ocean of emotions. Love is metaphysical gravit , a master key that opens all happiness, and an act of endless forgiveness. Does it suffice to say love is everything and nothing at all?



Nothing in our romantic or realistic concept of affection prepares us for unrequited love. Before our first falls, we seem to harbor an inability to accept love's inevitable deceptions. Anxiety, frustration, guilt, depression -- all of these negative emotions surface if love is not reciprocated. With no negative associations for love, we find ourselves alone and confused when our love is inexplicably lost.



Once soured on love, we may seek counsel and study proper behaviors that supposedly bring it back or rekindle its strength; however, the raw and boundless emotion of love, once altered, is permanently defaced by scars, some healed and almost invisible and some barely sealed marking evident repair. Even after love fails, we chase our unrealistic understanding of rediscovering perfection: an ideal love pristine and pure.



Much to our disappointment heartbreaks only serve to mature our understanding of the feeling. Broken hearts lack substance for renewal; they can only be repaired. Through our sad experiences, we must reconstruct new understandings of love to measure future procurement. Lost love brings us face to face with lost innocence, and, like a virgin bedded, we must acknowledge we have given up once-guarded parts of ourselves to others. Living through the process of losing control over love allows us to face a rank realization: much of our ideal of attaining absolute love is irreparable.



But, even after monumental grieving and cautious healing, we return to re-delineate our illusion of love, perfectly content to follow an emotional high we realize is now confined and bound in terms of passionate expectations. We even lie to ourselves about the possibility of having lost the ability to love. In truth, we understand the ability is beyond our personal control.

The new rules we set for relationships are essentially heartfelt but useless in practice while we chase new rainbows of  love that will surely stir our basic drives with large doses of testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinesphrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin. Once love strikes again, every heartbeat feeds the addiction. A soldier in the fog of love's combat, we dangerously open ourselves to old, deep-seated dreams and allow Cupid to strike our heart with deceptive arrows dipped in potions comprised of equal measures of affection and lust.



To accept a simple understanding of love seems easy enough, and maybe people who live a simple life can successfully do this. For most, however, the vague and metaphorical tags fail miserably. People demand respect for their many different interpretations of this emotion while misunderstanding other people's experiences with it. Isn't "you don't love..." a gross generalization steeped in personal judgment? Of course "you love." We all love. The negative judgment is often in the eyes of the beholder.



To chase love or happiness or security is noble and good. To what extent people actually acquire these things is largely debatable because it cannot be marked on a chart, on a scale, or even in an intelligent head or in a warm heart. Besides, acquisition is ongoing and unpredictable.



The nature of our desires is so fragile and prone to interpretation. As we age, we question those who find clear visions and marvel at those who question the enigmas. What can someone really say about subjects that defy definition and complete understanding? Surely, we sicken of cliche. Maybe we can best answer a riddle with a smile and a wink.

When You Are Old



When you are old and gray and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;



How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true;

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face.



And bending down beside the glowing bars

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.



W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

Petals

Life is a stream

On which we strew

Petal by petal the flower of our heart;

The end lost in dream,

They float past our view,

We only watch their glad, early start. Freighted with hope,

Crimsoned with joy,

We scatter the leaves of our opening rose;

Their widening scope,

Their distant employ,

We never shall know. And the stream as it flows

Sweeps them away,

Each one is gone

Ever beyond into infinite ways.

We alone stay

While years hurry on,

The flower fared forth, though its fragrance still stays.



Amy Lowell (1874-1925)

Charter Bank Robbed Repeatedly - Questions?

It sounds so strange that people are shaking their heads in disbelief. The police, bank employees, and the public alike are asking themselves, "How could this happen?" Here is another account of truth that is stranger than fiction. In a nutshell, WSAZ television reports the following:



"Three robberies at one Portsmouth (Ohio) bank are likely related. That word from detectives with the Portsmouth, Ohio Police Department.



"The Charter One Bank on 6th Street was robbed just before 10 Monday morning.

"The same bank was held up on December 11 and on the 22.



"In all three robberies the suspects used the drive-thru window.



"Detectives tell WSAZ.com, the same getaway car was used in the robberies, and the description of the two suspects appear to be the same.



"Investigators also say they got some good leads following Monday’s robbery, and are now following up on those leads.



"Dispatchers say in Monday’s robbery the suspects claimed they had a bomb. (The same threat used by the criminals in the other two recent robberies.)



"The men are described to be in their early 20's driving a white Berretta. Police say the vehicle was beat up and had paint missing from the hood and the roof." ("Bank Drive-Thru Robbed for Third Time in One Month," WSAZ www.wsaz.com/news, December 27 2010)

Now, one surely questions the intelligence of the same robbers using the same vehicle and the same modus operandi successfully to hit the same location within a couple of weeks. It doesn't sound as if these fellows are master criminals by any stretch of the imagination, maybe more like a couple of characters from the Apple Dumpling Gang. And yet the robberies occurred without a hitch. Someone must be doing something right, or are security measures tight enough? Maybe the suggestions that follow could provide some help.



It Might Cost a Little, But...





How about a stolen bill or a stolen money bag implanted with a GPS tracking device? Microchips are so slim that they can be hidden in special packs of currency.  Real time GPS tracking is available. These GPS devices receive information from GPS satellites in space. Once received, the information is transmitted back to a user, who can view the information. Two popular ways the GPS tracking device transmits location information is via a digital cellular network or via satellite.



Why not limit access to drive through stations? Access to bank areas can be limited with keys, entry cards, or other special identification systems. In addition, any special access to contact areas can be overridden by bank employees when they deem entry may be necessary.





Drive-thru window lanes could be electronically gated at the key access. Notification of denial of admittance to cloaked or disguised drivers could accompany close-up camera recording at the gate. In other words, no car would be admitted into the teller window area until drivers were keyed and photographed. Both of these safety devices offer evidence if security fails.



Basic Security

1. Cameras at banks should be highly visible, so potential bank robbers will know that their image will be captured. Also security cameras must be regularly maintained to assure that decent, identifiable images are being captured. What's the use of installing an expensive system that records unrecognizable images?

2. Security personnel could be employed at banks and branch banks. Security, like the cameras, should be highly visible. If possible, banks can hire off-duty police officers or other guards licensed to carry weapons.

3. Facilities can install bullet-proof glass. Protective material should be installed between the cashier's window and the area where customers stand or drive.

4. Banks should post signs stating that they keep little cash on hand and that they have effective security systems.

5. Banks or police can offer rewards for information leading to the capture and arrest of criminals.

A Simple Story of DUI: Reflections for New Years

The following brief newspaper story will not shake the world or alter the course of human events, but with New Years Eve fast approaching, the story may just rattle a reveler or two and help convince some stubborn people that one's concern for public safety supersedes a risk of reckless behavior. Evidently, some people understand this very well even when ridiculously drunk. Here is a brief report of an interesting story.



"Iowa City police arrested a man for drunk driving Christmas morning after a receiving a tip -- from the driver himself.

"Police say Francisco Castro, 25, of 10 Video Court, called 911 about 8:30 a.m. Saturday, but spoke little English. After authorities mapped the call to 900 Highway 6 E., officers say they found Castro behind the wheel of a running vehicle.





"Castro told officers he had dialed 911 because he thought he was too intoxicated to continue driving, according to the police complaint.



"Police say there was an open container of hard liquor in the vehicle, and Castro's blood alcohol content was 0.22. Castro had been released from custody from the Johnson County Jail by Sunday night. He did not have a listed phone number and could not be reached for comment."  ("Man Reports Himself To Police," Iowa City Press-Citizen," December 27 2010)

Granted, Francisco Castro may have dialed 911 for fear of his personal safety and not for his concern about others; however, his call may have prevented a terrible holiday season tragedy. Castro should not have begun driving his vehicle while intoxicated, especially after just getting out of jail. This point is very evident and beyond question. Still, maybe a message of hope has surfaced in this bizarre admission of guilt: somewhere during his careless drive, Castro listened to his conscience.



How many of us, at or about that age, should have stopped acting out reckless behaviors? Instead, we completed our menacing acts fully knowing the possible risk we posed to others? This story not only pertains to driving under the influence but also to pushing any limits of public safety. I am not willing to call young Mr. Castro a hero, yet he is certainly a winner of a deadly dilemma. He had a lawless, terrible day that still paled to a possible catastrophe he may have helped avert.



Castro will pay dearly for his call to authorities. If this is Castro' first offense, Iowa law stipulates he faces the following:

• Up to 1 year in JAIL, a minimum of 48 hours must be spent in jail


• Fine between $500 and $1000


• Substance abuse evaluations at YOUR cost


• Driver's license revocation for 180 days.
  
  


• An ignition interlock device may be required


• Misdemeanor charge

Whether he knew the legal consequences of his 911 call is uncertain. After all, Castro was very drunk at the time. The fact remains -- he did make the call. Maybe something from deep within instilled from years past superseded his desire to operate the vehicle and "told" him to ask for assistance. In successfully dialing the numbers, he demonstrated his maturity once in the deadly circumstance.



Possibly the story will make one tipsy New Year party person hand over the keys to a designated driver or make one drunk take a bus or cab home. The risks of ignoring threats to public safety outweigh any decision to put others in peril. How could any of us successfully complete our lives knowing that we had killed or maimed others while we were in such a state?



I do not drink and drive any more. I really feel as if I am fortunate to have lived through some reckless, self-initiated acts myself. Maybe, Mr. Castro has reached this point of insight into his young life. I hope so. 



"Statistics show that during Christmas and New Year's, two to three times more people die in alcohol-related crashes than during comparable periods the rest of the year. And 40 percent of traffic fatalities during these holidays involve a driver who is alcohol-impaired, compared to 28 percent for the rest of December." (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, National Institutes of Health, www.prnewswire.com)

I'll Be 60 Soon

I will turn 60 on February 4. This birthday is a watermark in my life with a definite acknowledgment of longevity. Still, I don't think much about my age, but I think quite a bit about my past -- the feelings and lost reality of years gone by. My reminisces are bitter, sweet, and often indifferent. Now, many loved ones are gone; other friends have scattered; and longing, a sure sign of stumbling progress, occupies a larger share of my mind.



Without the slightest effort, I can associate with the past. For example, I was watching an HBO documentary about legendary coach Vince Lombardi a couple of days ago. Lombardi died of intestinal cancer at age 57 on Sept. 3, 1970. While marveling at his successful career and determined, one-of-a-kind personality, I couldn't help but think about his being only 57 when he passed away. I wondered what current medical procedures may save a cancer patient with similar malignancy. Then, I remembered cancer patients in our family and the toll the disease took. I remembered when the words cancer and death were synonymous. I felt the pain. 



These flashes of my life occur without warning and seem to be triggered by minor sensory reactions to everyday things. Sights such as sparkling eyes or a smile, sounds like a familiar song, even smells and textures evoke thoughts etched into my brain long ago. Now, these reactions are much more a part of my everyday persona. Their importance has solidified my interpretation of life.



The depth of these memories seems to grow more every year in my life, a life that has become more sensory deprived. It seems as if the brain compensates for the afflictions of the flesh and bones. I witnessed this early in life when I noticed many older people recounting stories and sharing thoughts of their truly interesting life experiences. I found that the passions and the desires of senior citizens do not dwindle to ashes as they age. If anything changes at all, the seniors use their acquired perspective to ferment feelings to their peak.



As much as I would like to say that my faults and my strengths have changed over the years, I really believe they have only tempered. True, experience now allows me to understand more about my own life and regret serious mistakes, yet my inner guide often has to be foiled -- repeatedly defeated and lost in new ideas before it can accept new paths that lead to change. When something feels unnatural within my zone of sensory perception, my gut rolls until I finally find, or am forced to find, some association that helps effect a new opinion.

I contend that distance from adventure, spontaneity, and simple excitement does not make an older mind lose its taste for the intended actions. One's age does not diminish cravings and desires.The older person merely learns to understand his new place in the perceptions of those around him. His imagination doesn't dull although he may not act out his thoughts.



I have lived for many years with clinical depression and OCD. I began treatment for depression in 1984 and taught 17 more years while struggling to control its symptoms and dealing with repeated debilitating outbreaks.While accepting disability from the State Teachers Retirement System, I languished in guilt for many years. With only 27 years of experience, I felt as if I had not completed my duties. In my mind, my status had changed from an effective teacher to a defective patient. I so cherished my past profession.



During the transition from whole person to a mental patient, I became very conscious of the reactions of others if I shared with them the outcomes of my illness. To be quite honest, I found people dehumanized anyone with a mental ailment. By outward expression and reaction, those around me offered help and sympathy, yet either because of my over-sensitivity or because of a combination of my sensitivity and their distrust, I understood that I had become "different." This "different" was permanent.



Once "different," one cannot change its effects or deny its stark reality. As a "different," I began living a life encumbered with certain restrictions. The "talk behind," the secondary social position, the "damaged goods" -- all these reactions came to the surface, but mainly expressions were subtle or apparent only upon closer inspection. Eventually, other people's distrust surfaced in many situations, and, in truth, this suspicion might have been well deserved given my track record.

Unfortunately, as these reactions accumulated in my interpretation (whether illogical or sound), I found a hardened veneer helped me repel most of the attitude of others. I seemed to suck more pleasantries into my personal space and venture less for others to criticize. I became a preservationist of my own special personal archives in hopes they would someday find expression.



I'll be 60 years old soon. I have had a good life. Like all others, I have been stamped and deposited in a box. To accept the life within the box is perhaps the hardest part of aging and living a unique existence. My box is decorated with many furnishings from my past. As I continue to rearrange the furniture, I can assure you my brain and my senses are acute. Maybe I long for ability, but I don't suffer for lack of sensitivity for those things that have been imprinted in my head and in my soul. I cannot help but think that more purpose for my petty existence will be revealed someday.

2010 Christmas Quiz

It's educational trivia day on the blog. Time for some Christmas questions to quiz those in the holiday spirit. As with most trivial pursuits, the quiz provides answers that may be challenged; however, that is half the fun. So, nip your eggnog and give this 20 question entry a try. Good luck. Answers are provided after the questions. Feel free to record your scores. Merry Christmas, all.





Questions



1. ___ Symbolizing the prayers and praises of the faithful as well as Christ's sacrifice and the divine name of God, Frankincense is the purest of 

a. incense,  b. linen,  c. oils,  d. jewels.





2. ___ Named for its bitter taste and symbolizing the Suffering Savior, the Great Physician, and Christ's human nature, myrrh is an aromatic gum resin used to make ointments and

a. teas,  b. perfumes,  c. disinfectants,  d. poisons.

 

3. ___ One of the holiday's best-loved songs, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," marks the longest holiday in the Christian calendar -- the time between Christmas Day and Epiphany, celebrated on January 6. Epiphany is a Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by 

a. the Magi,  b. the Trinity,  c. the Virgin Mary,  d. the appearance of the angel Gabriel.





4. ___ Some people think of Xmas as a contemporary, sacrilegious abbreviation of the word Christmas. On the contrary, the first letter of the word ________ (fill in) in the Greek language is chi, which is identical to the modern Roman alphabet's X.

a. Mary,  b. God,  c. Virgin,  d. Christ.  



5. ___ Americans did not have a detailed description of St. Nicholas until they viewed a drawing of him included in the 1809 publication A History of New York. The drawing was created by

a. Johnathan Edwards,  b. James Fenimore Cooper,  c. Washington Irving,  d. Norman Rockwell.

6. ___ Before you sing, "Now bring us some figgy pudding," it might be helpful to know exactly what you are requesting. Figgy pudding is an English dish similar to 

a. mincemeat pie,  b. mulled wine,  c. bread pudding,  d. spiced eel.

7. ___ What are sugarplums? 

a. chocolate candies,  b. evil fairies,  c. baked apples,  d. holiday punches. 





8.___ In 1670, a choirmaster in Cologne, Germany, handed candy canes out to children during church services to keep them quiet. They were meant to resemble bent the ends to resemble

a. a walking cane,  b. a deacon's hook,  c. a shepherd's staff,  d. a wilted evergreen.

9.___ What seasonal character was actually created by Montgomery Ward in the late 1930's for a holiday promotion?

a. Frosty the Snowman,  b. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer,  c. Ebenezer Scrooge,  d. Jack Frost.

10.___ If you received all of the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas," you would receive

a. 545 gifts,  b. 364 gifts,  c. 288 gifts,  d. 105 gifts.

11.___ At the time of Jesus' birth, the Roman Caesar was

a. Caesar Tiberius,  b. Caesar Vespasian,  c. Constantine I,  d. Caesar Augustus.

12.___ In A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, Scrooge's deceased business partner is

a. Jacob Marley,  b. Martin Chuzzlewit,  c. Bob Cratchit,  d. Benjamin Havisham.

13.___ The setting for the film A Christmas Story is a town in Indiana, but the movie was actually filmed in

a. New York City,  b. Cleveland, Ohio,  c. Chicago, Illinois,  d. Louisville, Kentucky.

14.___ The "major award" in A Christmas Story is based on a real lamp: an illuminated

a. Tiffany original,  b. Victorian brothel replica,  c. Nehi soda logo,  d. Marilyn Monroe souvenir.

15.___ A Tannebaum is

a. mistletoe,  b. a wreath,  c. a Christmas tree,  d. a dance.

 

16.___ One of the most traditional Christmas dinner entrees in early England was

a. sturgeon,  b. the head of a pig,  c. mutton pie,  d. venison stew.

17.___ Beginning in medieval times and through the Victorian era, "Hot Cockles" was a popular Christmas guessing game in which a player was blindfolded and 

a. struck by others,  b. kissed by others,  c. whispered to by others,  d. made to drink alcohol by others.

18.___ The Christmas story Bible verses come from the scriptures of Matthew and

a. Luke,  b. John,  c. Mark,  d. Bocephus.

19.___ The popular Christmas song "Jingle Bells," compose by James Lord Pierpont in 1850, was actually written to celebrate

a. New Year's,  b. Halloween,  c. Thanksgiving,  d. birthdays.

20.___ According to Norse myths, if enemies met by chance beneath mistletoe in a forest, they

a. immediately fought to the death,  b. each offered a virgin sacrifice to Odin,  c. laid down their arms and maintained a one day truce,  d. left each other in lasting peace.

Answers:  1. a   2. b    3. a    4. d    5. c     6. c    7. a   8. c    9. b   10. b   11. d   12. a   13. b   14. c   15. c   16. b   17. a    18. a   19. c   20. c   

      

A Baker's Dozen - 13 Meaningless Expressions

Expressions -- everyone uses them, often without forethought. Silly expressions are harmless, yet when used repeatedly, they can grate on the nerves of those around us. Many expressions are utterances that become overused, meaningless cliches. The expressions become language barriers in that they carry vague, generalized meanings. The overused reply, the dated word or phrase, the mimic of media-born words, and the English usage mistake are all examples of expressions people should avoid.



In the interest of elevating the spoken and written word, I have collected some of the common expressions that qualify as trite, superficial, meaningless language. Perhaps people can substitute more accurate, meaningful words when they are tempted to use these expressions over and over again. "The Wizard of Ads" Roy H. Williams, best-selling author and marketing consultant, said, "A meaningless statement remains meaningless no matter how often it's heard."

  

Some Expressions To Avoid





1. Obviously



Example usage:  "Mary doesn't care if Danny goes bar-hopping every night."  REPLY -- "Obviously."



If the intent here is to emphasize the statement, the speaker is being overly trite and sarcastic in his affirmation instead of politely responsive. This word has been used this way so much that it actually underscores the speaker's lack of concern. 



2. (I) love (it), love (it), love (it).  A Saturday Night Live catch phrase popularized by Molly Shannon



Example usage:  "I can't resist the urge to be a party animal. I love it, love it, love it!"



Too much media parrot, the speaker becomes a second-hand impersonator at best with this ridiculous repetition. At worst, any actual love expressed dies in hammering the emotion. This expression is usually accompanied by leg and hand gestures which make it particularly annoying.



3. My bad



Example usage:  "You just spilled your beer all over grandpa."  REPLY -- "My bad."



This expression, used for regret, is so offhand. The speaker tosses the apology into the wind as an obligatory absolution of wrongdoing. It is really a call for continuation of the interrupted proceedings. A cover-all for indiscretions, my bad usually accommodates those who make repeated mistakes. 



4. Whatever



Example usage:  "I shouldn't have to worry about our relationship."  REPLY -- "Whatever."



This word may be the ultimate expression of retort for those lost for a meaningful reply or for those feigning indifference. In other words, the speaker does harbor discontent, but instead of voicing his true opinion, he uses this weepy equivalent of accepted lethargy. Isn't this word synonymous with "Let's change the subject"? 



5. I mean.../you know...



Example usage:  "Can you believe she doesn't have a date?  I mean, the prom is only the biggest event of the year, you know"



The expressions beg the importance of personal emphasis but fall short because of their extreme over-use.

They do little, if anything, to strike sparks of importance with first and second person pronoun pricks of awareness. If anything, the phrases prod the respondent unnecessarily.

6. Improper use of your/you're, too/to/two, there/their/they're, it's/its, and lose/loose



Example proper usage:



"Jane is so envious of your talent"

"You're a very interesting person."

"Would you like some cream in your coffee, too?"

"The water is just too hot."

"Dad went to the store to buy groceries."

"Centerville lost in overtime by two points."

"There are many different customs there."

"Look over there. I see the harbor."

"The Sullivans have not been receiving their mail."

"They're never going to listen to me."

"It's about time!"

"The dog ate its food already."

"I hope the Bengals don't lose all their games."

"Some of the shingles on the roof were loose."



These problems stem from lack of knowledge of grade school English usage and the dreaded acceptance of improper forms in colloquial language. Suffice it to say, those who misuse these simple forms are deemed uneducated both by proficiency test scorers and by employers.



7. (I'm) Just sayin'



Example usage:  "Dave can be very angry at times. Just sayin', that is not good."



Offered as an over-worn simplification, this phrase admits ambiguity on the speaker's part. When used repeatedly, the words do nothing to clear potential obscurity. A speaker sounds guilty of oversimplification when he justifies an earlier comment with the phrase. 



8. Are you kidding me?



Example usage:  "Are you kidding me? She never takes care of those children."



Meant to be a real exclamation of doubt, this expression instead is used to inject a false sense of urgency into a subject. If the information was intended as a joke, the receiver need not question it. If the receiver understands the facts, he should avoid unnecessary emotion reaction. Another overused phrase involving truth is "in all kidding aside."



9. Really



Example usage:  "Pam is the most conceited person I know. REPLY -- "Really."



A single word that might sound meaningfully concise, through overuse has come to mean absolutely nothing.

It has no kin in reality.Who would dare disagree? The common, bandwagon reaction has become an automatic, unthinking really.



10. 'K  (abbreviation for OK -- another abbreviation for the comically misspelled" Oll Korrect)



Example usage:  "I'll meet you at the restaurant."  REPLY -- "K."



A very informal abbreviation for approval, 'K smells of trends and lazy replies. Cute symbols and cut phrases most often become dated and certainly overused by the masses. Inflated through Internet usage, the abbreviation thrives in informal settings and continues to irritate many. 





11. LOL and OMG  (Internet slang initialisms for "laughing out loud" and "oh, my God")



Example usage:  "Harold just walked into the room in his briefs."  REPLY -- LOL, OMG



These initialisms 'tweens and teens when they text message on popular social networking sites. Therein lies the problem: the abbreviations may suit young tastes; however, when adults use them, they sound pretentious and plain silly to others. The speaker, while trying to be stylish, loses the dignity and truthfulness of his expression. Even when spelling out the initialisms, the speaker commits the act of using meaningless cliches. Acronyms and initialisms have always had a purpose for necessary conciseness, but these abbreviations serve as nothing but thoughtless replies. Besides, people just tire from their enormous repetition.



12. I could care less.



Example usage:  "I could care less if my job is terminated."



Shouldn't this statement be I couldn’t care less?  After all, doesn't it mean “it is impossible for me to have less interest or concern in this matter"?  The words have developed as slangy expression with some social class stigma. The "high-class sounding" idiomatic expression often drips of empty sarcasm: the speaker may use this supposedly definite statement in times of doubt as a defense mechanism. It sounds stilted and rings untrue.



13. Your call is important to us.



Example usage:  TELEMARKETER RECORDING -- "Your call is important to us."



The translation here is simple. "If you buy our services, you are important to us." This sentence represents one of the most hated expressions to anyone who values privacy and sincerity. The very ring of the phone these days sends chills of telemarketing throughout the suspicious populace. Nothing a marketer could say would matter after this ridiculous statement. How reassuring to know that someone out there really cares.... 

How Much Do You Love Your Man?

Enough with the sentimental holiday traditions and the search for the real meaning of Christmas. Let commercialism reign! Girls, your husband (boyfriend, significant other, acquaintance), deserves the best, so you must do everything in your power to empower him with the ultimate Christmas present. Don't let your frugal habits ruin this holiday season -- put the dollars down and prove your eternal love. What really matters anyway? We all know it's the status of the gift that counts. And, he will feel better being the receiver of your superior gifting expertise.



On the sizzling site of Gear/Uncrate http://www.uncrate.com/men/gear/index.php?page=1 anybody can find hundreds of great gift ideas. I couldn't resist using suggestions from the site to compile a Man's Dream Christmas List, complete with gift titles, prices, websites, and brief description. The rest is up to you.... Have a Merry Green Christmas. Credit cards -- Charge!

1. Grill 'N Chill Tailgater  $3,000-$3,500

http://www.frontgate.com/jump.jsp?item=55336&maincatcode=1&subcatcode=null&itemID=24604&itemType=PRODUCT&path=1%2C2%2C145%2C859%2C4417&iProductID=24604



Forget bringing a simple grill — you can bring the equivalent of an entire bar to your next tailgate outing with the Grill 'N Chill Tailgater. It includes the obvious 24,000 BTU infrared grill, but steps things up a notch with a 50 qt. ice chest, a chrome tower draft system to keep the booze flowing, an included Go! Chassi for easy portability, and a built-in 210-Watt stereo with dual marine-grade speakers. Add in a TV, some chairs, and some companions, and you've got the makings of an all-star sports day, even if never leave the driveway.

2. Mitsubishi Diamond 82-Inch 3D HDTV  $3,800

 http://www.mitsubishi-tv.com/theater.html

 

It used to be that 80-inch TVs were the stuff of CES displays and rich folks' home cinemas. Not so with the Mitsubishi Diamond 82-Inch 3D HDTV. Beyond the obvious 3D chops, this mammoth monitor also features an integrated 16-speaker, 5.1 channel Dolby Digital surround sound system, StreamTV for on-screen access to web services like Pandora, Flickr, and Facebook, Wi-Fi with an optional adapter, and the Plush 1080p 5G 12-bit Video processor for smooth action and upscaling. 

 

 

3. Klipsch Heritage Speakers  $800-$4,000



http://www.klipsch.com/na-en/products/heritage/





Get legendary Klipsch sound in a package that would have looked just fine in your Dad's bachelor pad with Klipsch Heritage Speakers. Featuring the Klipschorn Floorstanding Speaker with 15-inch woofer, the Klipschorn-packing La Scala II Floorstanding model, and the complementary Cornwall III and Heresy III speakers, originally designed to serve as center channels for the larger, more robust Klipschorn and La Scala II, its got everything you need to give your home theater concert-worthy sound.

4. Gibson Dusk Tiger Guitar  $4,150 

http://www2.gibson.com/Products/Electric-Guitars/Les-Paul/Gibson-USA/Dusk-Tiger/Next-Generation.aspx



The Gibson Dusk Tiger Guitar features a Les Paul-like body, but with a flat top, tone-chambered back, magnetic and piezo pickups for traditional and more "acoustic" guitar tones, separate outputs for each string for crazy effects, a multichannel FireWire interface with Ableton Live 8 and Guitar Rig 4 Pro for even more sound processing possibilities, 18 user-programmable alternate tunings with third-generation Robot Tuning Technology, and an exotic hardwood body that looks every bit as good as it sounds. If you want to get your mitts on one, you'd better hurry: only 1,000 Dusk Tigers will be produced.

5. John Deere Gator XUV 825i  Starting at $9,899





http://www.deere.com/en_US/ProductCatalog/HO/category/ho_gatorho.html





Haul ass all across your (or your neighbor's) property aboard the John Deere Gator XUV 825i. Proclaimed the fastest, most powerful Gator ever built, the 825i sports a 50 hp, 815cc inline 3-cylinder engine good for speeds up to 44 mph, all-new front and rear independent suspension systems, 1,500 lbs. of towing capacity and 1,400 lbs. of payload capacity, with a 16.4 cubic foot cargo box featuring 20 integrated tie downs — perfect for getting rid of that irritating lawn gnome once and for all.

6. Cricket Trailer  $10,000-$17,000



http://crickettrailer.com/





With an odd floorplan and even odder looks, it's quite obvious that the Cricket Trayler has character to spare. Available in trims ranging from a bare-bones shell to a tricked out model, the 15-foot trailer can offer a stainless steel sink with two-burner cooktop, a cabinet, a handshower with curtain, a portable cassette toilet, a furnace or a/c unit, a shade awning, and a folding bed with foam mattress. Luxurious it's not, but it is capable, and will leave a more lasting impression than even the nicest Airstream.

7. Pinel & Pinel Arcade Trunk  $13,700 and up



http://www.pineletpinel.com/pinel-en/collections-trunks-arcade-80-trunk.php



Like a rollable Dave & Busters, the Pinel & Pinel Arcade Trunk is a retro arcade powerhouse on wheels. Featuring a 1080p LCD screen, a high-def sound system with integrated iPod/iPhone dock, and sixty built-in titles include Pac-man, Space Invaders, and 1942, this high-end gaming cabinet comes clothed in your choice of one of 51 colors of calfskin, which works with the chromium-plated dashboard and aluminum wheels to add a touch of class to your man cave or game room.

8. Tron Legacy Lightcycle  $35,000



http://motors.shop.ebay.com/Pro-Street-/147902/i.html#ht_759wt_993



From the makers of the Custom Batpad comes the latest movie-inspired motorbike: the Tron Legacy Lightcycle. While the movie doesn't hit theaters until December, anyone who saw the original knows the lightcycle races will be the highlight of the film, making the five Lightcycles instant classics. Unlike the Batpod, these are built to be street-legal, with custom 22-inch hubless wheels, custom Hoosier tires, electric or gasoline motors, two-inch hardened steel frames, carbon fiber/fiberglass bodies, and neon hidden behind frosted plexiglass for the accent colors, making this possibly the first vehicle with exterior neon even to be featured on Uncrate.

9. Predator Pool Table  $43,000





http://hurricanebilliards.com/PRE-DESIGNED_TABLES/Pages/The_Predator.html





Your average pool table isn't going to intimidate an opponent, but the Predator Pool Table is anything but average. With striking, aggressive looks, the Predator features an 8-foot table, an aluminum and maple veneer frame with stainless steel cable sets, multi-bladed saber pockets, polished glass rails, black speed felt surface, and integrated ball return.

10. Seabreacher  $65,000 and up

http://www.seabreacher.com/

What a personal submarine! Available in a 155hp, dolphin-inspired J model, or the more badass, shark-bodied 266hp X model, these submersible watercraft can reach up to 50 mph on the surface and up to 25 mph submerged, and are capable of high-speed dives that send the craft launching out of the water. Other features include a snorkel-mounted video camera, an iPod-compatible stereo system, and the ability to scare the bejeezus out of innocent boaters.

11. Terrafugia Transition   $194,000 

http://www.terrafugia.com/aircraft.html

 

Amazed by Scaramanga's flying AMC Matador in The Man With The Golden Gun? Now you can own your very own flying car. Or is that driving plane? Actually, it's the Terrafugia Transition. This "light sport" aircraft features electrically-powered folding wings that, when paired with the rear-facing propeller, allow it to fly at 115 mph for up to 460 miles. But should inclement weather strike, or you just decide to drive, the wings fold up and the Transition becomes a street-legal car that gets 30 miles to the gallon. It's the ultimate getaway vehicle, provided you, your sidekick/henchman, and your loot don't weigh more than 450 lbs. 

 

 

 

12. Terra Wind Amphibious RV  starting at $850,000

http://terrawind.com/terrawind.htm 

 

If you happen to find yourself in the predicament where you have a wad of cash and faced with the decision of purchasing an RV or a Yacht, Terra Wind is about to make your life just a little bit easier. The Terra Wind Amphibious RV is every bit as amazing as it sounds. One part decked-out motor home, one part crazy-looking-lake-going-vessel, the RV is the sort of excessive splurge that only an Uncrate reader could get behind. A few of the features include GPS, tons of leather, DVD/VHS/CD players, all major appliances (fridge, washer/dryer, etc.), an 8-jet whirlpool tub, marble floors and shower, a 42-inch Plasma TV, and a 6-foot swim deck that's perfect for fishing.

 

The Ultimate?

13. Strand Craft 122 Yacht  To Be Announced

http://www.strand-craft.com/



There's streamlined, and there's the Strand Craft 122 Yacht. This amazingly futuristic super yacht sports a gorgeous exterior, a posh art deco-inspired interior with niceties like 52-inch LED TVs, Bang Olufsen sound systems, four staterooms, and salon areas, over 14,000 horsepower capable of driving the craft to speed over 50 knots, and an included handcrafted supercar with a 880hp twin turbo V12 engine. If only it included a beach house and a stately countryside mansion, it'd be the ultimate "lotto winner goes apeshit" package.

14. Eurocopter Mercedes-Benz EC145 Helicopter  To Be Announced

http://www.eurocopter.com/site/en/ref/home.html



Mercedes style meets multi-millionaire transportation in the Eurocopter Mercedes-Benz EC145 Helicopter. This medium-sized, twin-engine 'copter sports a yacht-like interior with high-end upholstery, wood for the floor and ceiling panels, three multi-function boxes offering a cool box, cup holders, tables, monitors, and DVD player, extra storage drawers, a windowed partition wall between the cabin and the passenger area, and ambient lighting. Great for the high-power CEO needing a faster way to work or just dudes with more money than they know what to do with.